How to Manage Negative Thoughts

Dealing with negative thoughts as a busy mom

**Sometimes negative thoughts can be overwhelming, and our typical strategies won’t work as easily. Please seek help from a licensed therapist if you’re struggling with your mental health.**

You’re busy, and your brain is stuck in negativity. You want to find a way to work yourself through this, and quickly.

You’re frustrated with your kids. You wrapped up a long day of work, got the kids from school, and it seems like all they can do is whine and complain.

You’re tired. You’re grumpy. You’re irritable. And your brain just can’t seem to break free from it.

Then you feel guilty for being so grumpy. You want to be present and patient. You’re worried you’re scarring your children and that the core memories they hold will just be ones of you irritated and snapping. So then you beat yourself up mentally.

“Today sucks. This whole week is crap.”

“Agghhhh why does no one ever listen???”

“Am I broken? Why can’t I just be ok with things not being perfect?”

“No one appreciates me.”

I’m sure I could keep going, but let’s stop there.

We’re going to walk through how you can navigate and manage your negative thoughts. And please know- this doesn’t have to take a long time. You have a lot on your plate already. You don’t have to try to fit in 30 minutes a day to practice changing your thoughts. Just allow this process to become part of your movement throughout the day. Allow yourself to notice and change thoughts as you can. Let’s just start with that.

Notice your negative thoughts.

Recognize them for what they are- simply negative thoughts. Not reflections of your character. Not a determination of your future or present self.

They are just thoughts. You give them meaning.

Can you imagine, visualize with me for a minute, that you’re holding your thoughts out to be observed? They are written on a piece of paper and you’re simply reading them. What color ink are they written in? Are they written large, or small? Are they written neatly, or scratched out hurriedly as if they’re being screamed? How does it feel to see those thoughts? Have they been taking up a lot of space in your mind?

Can we put that page down now? Can you imagine letting go of that piece of paper? Maybe balling it up and throwing it away. Or maybe it’s a page in a book, and you can simply turn the page. You don’t have to go back to it. Start a new chapter.

Your negative thoughts don’t have to be stuck with you.

You don’t have to keep them. You can observe them. You can acknowledge, “wow, those are negative thoughts” and then you can decide what you do with them. It’s ok to say “I don’t like these thoughts. They’re making me feel angry. I’d like to let them pass now. Maybe even dispose of them.”

Now please understand- I’m not saying it’s always easy. And sometimes it may be particularly difficult. (Again, if you’re really struggling with negative thoughts, please seek professional help.)

What I am saying is it’s possible to change your thought patterns. It’s possible to work through the frustrations, set aside the negative thinking, and move forward.

You can choose what you focus on.

So when the negative thoughts are there, and you’re feeling frustrated with your family or yourself, remember that you can still be in control of this. Treat yourself as an observer. Take your thoughts and observe them. Notice them. Recognize that while parts of your thoughts may be valid, they do not have to determine your mood, your day, or your life. They are simply thoughts and you are in control.

As you notice your thoughts, reflect on what parts may be helpful.

What does this thought mean? What is it telling you? Are you realizing that maybe it’s a sign that you are overcommitted and burning out? Are you in need of rest, or support? Are you feeling disconnected from your kids and need some fun bonding time, time to let go of responsibilities and focus on fun together?

Notice where your thoughts are coming from, and what needs exist within them.

Then decide what you want to do and think moving forward.

Is there something you need to change about your schedule or your plans, to better care for yourself or your family’s emotional state?

Is there a way you can reframe your thought, and choose something more helpful? For example, maybe the thought moves from “Nobody appreciates me” to “I’m glad I’m able to care for my family, and I appreciate myself” or “How can I model expressing appreciation, if I want my children to learn this too?”

Is this a negative thought that you want to let go of, and you want to practice gratitude and positive thinking instead? Allow the thought to pass, and choose what you do want to shift your focus to instead.

Allow your thoughts to be part of a larger practice of slowing down, noticing your needs, and being gentle with yourself and those around you.

And know this: managing negative thoughts takes practice. It may be hard at first to slow down and observe your thoughts without getting wrapped up in and fueled by them.

You are building a practice of being mindful and present with yourself. Keep working at it, and it will get easier over time.

Keep it up. You’re doing good work for yourself and your kiddos.

TL; DR:

Managing negative thoughts can be challenging, but not impossible. If you need help, please reach out to a professional for support.

Here are steps you can take to build a mindful practice of managing negative thoughts:

1. When you have negative thoughts, slow down and notice them. You are the observer.

2. Notice what those thoughts mean- are you in need of something?

3. Reframe those thoughts, or let them go. Find a way to be more realistic, or even positive in your thinking. Or allow yourself to acknowledge that they are just thoughts, and thoughts can pass.

4. Move forward with the choice to shift your focus and show up more gently and with care.