How to Stress Less as a Busy Mom
Strategies for spending less time on daily tasks
Alright, I know you’re tired so I’ll try to keep this short and helpful. Let’s talk about how to reduce your stress as a busy mom.
You opened this blog post because you really want to find some strategies to help you feel less overwhelmed throughout your day. Know this: there is value in giving yourself permission to care less. That’s right, you can’t do it all, and you can’t put all your energy into every little thing.
You probably feel crushed under the weight of everyone’s needs on a daily basis. Whether it’s a little one crying, a teenager slamming doors, or your partner hoping for more connection from you, you just can’t deal with it all at once. That’s not a shortcoming on your part; it’s you being a human.
In a culture that manages to praise motherhood yet ooze guilt and shame onto women in its daily rhetoric, it’s going to be impossible for you to live up to anyone else’s standards but your own. So, what I want is to help you figure out what it looks like to set realistic expectations and to give yourself grace through all of the expected and unexpected stress that’s going to happen.
You’re tired and overwhelmed. You’re probably waking up early (while still snoozing a few alarms), in a rush to get ready for work, make coffee, let the dog out, move a load of laundry, make the kids eat breakfast, and remember to charge your child’s computer for school since they forgot to charge it last night. Getting out the door isn’t as simple as you’d think. Even if you have a loving and supportive partner, it’s still a lot for two people to manage, much less just one if you’re managing it alone.
Well, I have some strategies that we’re going to talk through, but first please read this over and over and over again as much as you need:
It’s okay to not do it all.
It’s okay if your child’s lunch doesn’t look like the perfectly curated lunch that the Instagram mom influencer (with brand deals shipping meal plans to her) has for all of her children.
It’s perfectly reasonable to not be perfect.
It makes sense to me that you’re feeling tired and exhausted and overwhelmed as a mom when you have so much on your plate.
It’s OK that maybe you love your children but some days you don’t like them.
You are not alone in this.
So, take a deep breath and as you exhale, breathe out all of the expectations. Breathe out all of the anxious thoughts that tell you you’re not enough. Breathe out the worries that keep you feeling stuck.
And breathe in peace. Breathe in the acceptance of knowing that you’re okay just the way you are. Breathe in the knowledge that your children are also going to be okay even if you have a day where things are not perfect. Breathe in grace.
You are not alone.
Once your heart rate feels calm again and your mind is clear, let’s talk strategy and specific steps that can help lower stress.
Managing a family can feel like a business itself. And as the business manager for your family, you get to decide what strategies work for you. So, as I discuss strategies, know that they may not all apply to you. Take what you want, and ignore the rest.
On a scratch piece of paper, write down the daily and weekly tasks. What it looks like from when your alarm goes off in the morning until you lay down in the evening and finally close your eyes.
What are all of the tasks that you hope to get done every day? What are the things that you want to make happen week to week? This could be laundry, dishes, prepping lunchboxes, helping your kids with homework, trying to maintain a date night with your partner every week, reading the book for your book club, grocery shopping, and I’m sure the list goes on.
Then there are the things that come up throughout the week that can’t be planned as easily. A trip to the post office. A school project that requires lots of crafting. You or your partner having to stay late at work. A sick visit to the doctor. There are so many unexpected things that we can’t always plan for, but we must adjust and manage.
Now I want you to think about how you do all of these tasks, and how you can change your process.
This is where it’s going to look different depending on the stage of life you’re in. If you have babies, they obviously can’t help you with the laundry. But if your kids are a little older, they can start to learn to put away their own clothes. It may not be as neat as you’d like, but it might be nice to have one less thing that you have to manage.
Maybe your kids can unload the dishwasher, or help you make lunches or cook dinners.
Go ahead and sort through your list to find tasks that you can accept help with. Then, tell your family members which tasks you’re passing off to them, and which ones you’ll continue to manage. Lighten your load.
Now, let’s reprioritize. This can go along with the first strategy.
What are the things that you know need to happen at night for your peace to be protected the next day? Do you need to start the dishwasher, so you can have clean dishes in the morning? Do you need to move that load of laundry to the dryer? If it’s a must, set aside 5-10 minutes every night before you go to bed get those tasks done.
If it isn’t a deal breaker, let it go. Allow your floor to stay dirty another day. Don’t even think about dusting or vacuuming right now. It’s ok for your home to not be perfect. It’s more important for you to have energy to care for yourself and your family. So make the priorities happen, and allow the less necessary items on your list to wait until the weekend.
Schedule a time each month (or twice a month if you can) for all the little tasks that build up. Get out your calendar, block off a day, or a couple of afternoons, to handle the things that get pushed off throughout the week.
Maybe you need a few hours to meal prep and freeze lunches or dinners so you don’t have to cook every day. Maybe you want to do a deeper cleaning and organizing of the bathrooms or bedrooms. Whatever it is, block off that time for it, so you don’t have to worry about it (or guilt yourself about it) the rest of the week.
Ask for help. When you get together with your mom friends for girls night, maybe take turns meeting at each other’s houses.
While hanging out and enjoying a glass of wine or a cup of coffee, unload the dishwasher together, or meal prep together. Everyone gets help, and it’s much more fun with your friends. If you are trying to find mom friends and have community- read my suggestions on that here!
More than anything, I want you to remember that the world will still turn if things aren’t perfect. Take time to look in your children’s eyes and appreciate them. Take time to hug your partner and feel their comfort. Take time for yourself, to rest and do what relaxes you. Those are the most important things, and if you’re feeling connected and supported in life, the stress will lessen. So, take a deep breath, and trust yourself. You got this.