Three Strategies for Being Emotionally Present with Your Kids as a Busy Mom
Practical Ways to Connect with Your Children when You have a Hectic Schedule
Your schedule is jam-packed from the moment your alarm goes off every morning, to the minute you finally get to close your eyes and try to sleep at night. You get up, in a rush to get ready for work and get your kids to school every day. You get to work (or you work from home and get to your computer), already stressed with what the day holds. You finish work – it’s never really done, but you have to pick up the kids- and manage afterschool activities, dinner, and the nighttime routine. You finally get your kids to bed, and you realize you just rushed through everything. You rushed through dinner with the kids. You rushed through bedtime stories.
You rushed so much you begin to worry if your kids know how much you love them. Did they notice how stressed you were, how distracted you were? It’s exhausting trying to juggle ALL. THE. THINGS. All you really want is to enjoy the time you have with them, because it seems like every year goes by even faster.
You need some simple, practical strategies you can start today to change from being the distracted, stressed-out, anxious, busy mom, to the busy mom who doesn’t let her stress take away from enjoyment of her children.
How to enjoy time with your kids: 3 strategies you can implement today to be more emotionally present as a busy mom:
1. Appreciate small moments:
Remember, it’s about quality over quantity. Balance doesn’t always mean shifting time; sometimes it’s shifting attention. Can you count the hours you have with your kids every day? Maybe an hour in the mornings before school? Maybe 4-5 hours in the evening, if you’re lucky? Sometimes it’s as little as 2 hours, if you’re working late and trying to keep an early bedtime for them. Out of 24 hours a day, when so much of that is spent sleeping and at school (both necessities!), your time together is limited. So in the time that you do have with them, make it quality.
Put your phone on do not disturb. Set an away message for work. Create the opportunity for quality connection. When you’re talking with them about their day, make eye contact. Enjoy noticing their facial expressions, the smiles they have when sharing.
Try active listening- when your kid tells you something, reflect it back to them. Make sure you understand. Ask them more about how they feel.
For example, your daughter tells you how her feelings were hurt at recess when she was left out of a game. Listen. Reflect. “Your feelings were really hurt- you wanted to play with your friends, right?” Engage in a way that lets her know you really hear her and you care.
2. Create connection through rituals.
We’ve established that your time is limited. So having rituals that allow for connection can help them to feel steadiness and presence from you, even when time is limited.
This can be simple, and doesn’t have to require a lot of time. Some ideas could be:
You hug every morning before school.
You take 3-5 minutes at night to hold them (if they still let you) and chat about the day.
Create a secret handshake you do together every day after school.
3. Maintain open communication.
Building and maintaining trust and openness with your kids is going to require secure connection with them. And as they get older and everyone gets busier, they need to know they can always count on you. There’s a lot to be said for simply letting your children know you’re there for them. Reminding them that your love is unconditional, and that you always have time if they need you.
Create a special signal or codeword they can use to let you know if they need to talk to you. This allows for a special connection to you that they can use if they need. Maybe they tap your left hand if they want to talk to you in private. That doesn’t mean you all have to stop what you’re doing immediately, but you can find a minute as soon as possible to chat with them, and they know they’ll have your undivided attention in that time.
Write letters to your kids. If you put it in their lunchbox, or bookbag, they’re seeing it every day and feeling connected to you, even when you’re at work. Or if your child is old enough to have a device and text, use that as an opportunity to send them a daily message, maybe when they’re in between school and afterschool activities. Communicate with them in the ways they are most likely to use.
These strategies may sound simple, but I know it can take a lot of energy and brainpower to start forming a habit or ritual. So pick one thing you haven’t already done, and start doing it today. You’re building the relationship today that you want with your kids for the future.
TL;DR:
Connecting with your kids can be challenging when you’re always on the go and in a rush.
3 strategies you can implement today are:
Appreciate small moments.
Create connection through rituals.
Maintain open communication.
Remember, even if you don’t have a lot of time, you can have quality connection and a secure attachment that helps you both feel close.